


Magnetism - Renji/Reader

by BridgeToTheSky



Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, F/M, Ha!, Hierarchies, Humor, Idk when I'll finish this, Reader-Insert, Resolved sexual tension eventually, Romance, Sexual Tension, Smut, Societal rules, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Y'all won't be so keen on me when I destroy the bleach universe, be damned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-04-13 06:24:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4511262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BridgeToTheSky/pseuds/BridgeToTheSky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Only when breakfast began to be served did he allow himself to reflect on his thoughts. </p><p>If this got out … would people think he had forced himself on you? Oh no …</p><p>But this was all his doing, his punishment; this is just the price he had to pay for spending the night making out with you.</p><p>~ </p><p>Sexy themes and eventual smut</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. So Unbelievably Screwed

He was so screwed.

 

So unbelievably screwed.

 

In so much trouble, so fucked up — _everything was going to go to absolute **shit**. _

 

It was only a matter of when.

 

Renji was taut at the table, watching the steam from his cup of tea rise into the air. All was quiet ( _oh, but for how long?_ ) except for the ramblings running rapid in Renji’s brain, driving him mad.

 

The door slid open and Renji’s jumped, his heart hitting the ceiling of his ribcage. In came Captain Byakuya Kuchiki, looking serene as ever — oh, but that was no comfort, the man was like this _at all times,_ angry and no, and it was no indication that he didn’t know.

 

About … _that._

 

Oh, _god_ _,_ he was in so deep.

 

The constant worry did nothing to assist in Renji’s desire to look not absolutely fucked, but it couldn’t be helped; he was a helpless, miserable mess of nerves. What would happen now? Why couldn’t he just fast forward past all this quiet morning crap and get to whether he’d be fired or not?

 

Fired. What if that happened? How would people find out? What would their assumptions be? Oh, his reputation would slide into the mud and stick there, irretrievable. What people would say …

 

_Hey, you hear about that Renji Abarai guy? What ever happened to him?_

 

_I heard he —_

 

“Renji,”

 

Another jump, Renji scrambled to answer his captain. “Ye — Ye — Yes sir?” he replied, his teeth chattering.

 

A risen eyebrow. “Is there something troubling you?” Captain Kuchiki asked.

 

_Yes, yes, yes, PLEASE DON’T FIRE ME —_

 

“No, why — why would you think that, Captain?”

 

Byakuya didn’t answered, and instead his reply came in the form of him sliding his gaze to the table, where Renji’s hand was rattling the table.

 

Renji released it. “Oh, I’m sorry, Captain Kuchiki, I forgot myself there …”

 

Byakuya nodded, before reaching for his own tea and sipping.

 

Renji relaxed a bit; maybe this wouldn’t all be a horrible mess? Maybe it could be in the past? Yeah, in the past. Where all that bad stuff is. He liked past. Yeah, this was going to be a-okay —

 

And then the door slid open once more, revealing you, and Renji realized how truly screwed he was.

 

You averted his gaze as you slipped inside, and good of it; Renji wasn’t sure he’d be able to sustain any last remnants of his cool if you had looked him with your big, lovely, (e/c) eyes — _no, no, stop thinking about her like that!_

 

“Good morning, gentlemen,” You said softly.

 

“Morning,” both men replied in unison.

 

You sat beside Byakuya (Renji gave a sigh of relief) and Renji didn’t miss the fact that you kept trying to lower your gaze or turn your attention elsewhere, as he was. The tension was palpable, and Renji wondered what was running around in your mind. Were you as frantic as he was, underneath all that composure?

 

He hoped you were — he didn’t want to be the only one miserable.

 

Only when breakfast began to be served did he allow himself to reflect on his thoughts.

 

If this got out … would people think he had _forced_ himself on you? Oh no …

 

But this was all his doing, his punishment; this is just the price he had to pay for spending the night making out with you, a princess.

 

***

 

Renji hated these kind of assignments. He could find an infinite number of replacements for how he would spend his time than to care and protect spoiled, entitled brats that had no conception of anything except how to be waited on and who to gossip about.

 

It didn’t fucking help that they turned their noses up at him, either. Who was stupid enough to get on the bad side of the one who was meant to be protecting you? Them, obviously. Renji had made the generalization easily — _them_ _._ And they knew who they were.

 

But you … you had been different. The moment he had met you, become part of your guard force, you had shown an interest in him. You had actually conversed, and had wanted to know about him. That had never happened before, usually _they_ never wanted to know about him, or cared, but you did.

 

You showed an interest in him, and he had shared bits and pieces with you, still wary. You were pretty … but it was a passing thought, something to be conceptualized and then thrown away, forgotten; you were untouchable.

 

Well … not … _entirely,_ if last night had given any indication.

 

You were also kind, and considerate, and your smile …

 

In retrospect, he should have been much more wary than he was, much more arms-length. Foolish mistake.

 

“Renji?”

 

Your voice had caused him to turn away from the sunset he had been admiring from the railing, the wind blowing in and past his ponytail. Peaceful.

 

“Yes?” he answered. “Something you need, (Y/N)?”

 

“No, I just … wow, are they always this stunning?” You said, distracted by the power of the sunset.

 

The sky was coming together in colors of orange and pink as the sun made its departure from it. Its light reflecting off your eyes. Its rays now heated Renji’s neck as he watched you come to railing beside him, putting your delicate hands against it.

 

“We used to see them all the time,” Renji said. “Where I lived. Long ago.”

 

“In Rukongai?”

 

“Yes,” Renji said. “We’d sit by rivers and start a fire to roast fish on, and we’d tell each other stupid kid jokes and watch the sunsets. We never made it passed them; we are always so exhausted.”

 

“It sounds wonderful,” You had said softly.

 

Renji had not noticed your hand inching closer to his, not yet close enough to touch, but still …

 

“Yeah, well,” Renji said, stretching. “It was a sorry excuse for a life. It had some good moments, though.”

 

Renji watched you for your next move. What was it with you? Why were you so different?

 

You lowered your gaze to your hands. “I wish I could say the same for my own life. You’ve lived, Renji, and you have something to show for it. I …”

 

“Hey,” Renji murmured, studying the sadness that had come over your face.

 

“I’m sorry,” You said, shaking your head. “I’m fine. Oh, I shouldn’t have come out here if I was just going to bring down your mood.”

 

“It’s fine,” Renji said. And — _maybe he shouldn’t?_ — hesitantly placed a hand to your back.

 

You looked up at him, surprised, and the moment took on a new intimacy. Maintaining eye contact, Renji began to move away, when you reached for his hand with your own, and the other came from the railing to trace fingers over the black tattoos crawling up Renji’s forearm.

 

“Hey, what —!”

 

“What do they all mean?” You asked. “The tattoos?”

 

Renji gulped. The light trail of your fingers felt good against his skin. And they continued to crawl up, abandoning his forearm in replace for the tattoos visible on his chest.

 

“What are you doing?” Renji asked, watching you.

 

“I’m sorry, but …” You had trailed off. You had been admiring him, and it brought red to Renji’s cheeks. “I know you look at me, Renji, and I’ve looked at you …”

 

You rose your face to meet Renji’s widened eyes. How … how long had you been this close to him? He could feel your hot breath near his face.

 

“And you must know,” You whispered. “You must know how much I want you by now, don’t you?”

 

Renji had bitten his lip as you rose on your toes, lips close, and … Renji didn’t pull back, but had remained where he was, waiting for the feel of you against him.

 

“(Y/N) …”

 

“Kiss me,” You whispered, hand on Renji’s cheek, coaxing him closer. “Just kiss me, Renji …”

 

Your lips were warm from the heat of the sun, and Renji resisted engulfing you as he embraced you, but you were so small — _so small,_ so small and felt so good …

 

He hadn’t noticed when your hands had undone his ponytail and his hair had come around. He hadn’t noticed when his tongue had slipped in your mouth, desperate for more. He hadn’t noticed when the two of you had found your way to a couch away from the balcony and were exploring each others bodies …

 

Renji nipped at your lips, and he heard you emit a soft moan as your hands roamed through his hair and the planes of his chest.

 

“Renji …”

 

Your voice, so soft, sending thrums of pleasure through his system, and …

 

Wait.

 

_No!_

 

Renji released you, pulling you back by the shoulders. Your eyes fluttered open — and then came alive with clarity. You wiggled to get away from you, and Renji shifted to the side to make it easier for you to make some distance from him.

 

The two of you had looked at each other, silently, awkwardly (the sides of your robes had come undone and were showing indecent flesh), before you skittered from the room in a fit of embarrassment and had left Renji to bury his head in his hands.

 

God, what had he done?

 

***

 

You weren’t sorry.

 

Oh, you were sorry that if someone had come through, they would have seen Renji on top of you, and would have assumed the worst from him — would, perhaps, think that it hadn’t been all consensual —and for the fact that you could’ve single-handedly destroyed Renji’s career at Captain Kuchiki’s side, but you were sorry for your feelings.

 

Especially when last night had been the most passion you had felt in a while.

 

What awaited you at home was nothing short of misery. If anyone saw who you were being married off to, they wouldn’t have much to say about you falling for Renji Abarai.

 

Your husband-to-be was just beyond the mountain range, probably feeling no particular emotion about your going away, or your coming back, or anything pertaining to you. You shivered when you thought of the first night you had spent with him — cold, emotionless, a couple of sparse touches and it had been over, leaving you on the other side of the bed, ready to collapse in tears had it not been for your pride.

 

You couldn’t go back. You couldn’t, and you believed there was a line between _couldn’t_ and _wouldn’t ._

 

And this was a **_couldn’t._ **

 

The soul reapers wouldn’t be able to stop you from jumping ship and splattering against a plateau. You weren’t being pinioned against your will and it would be so easy.

 

But you thought of Renji, and then retreated from the idea.

 

Oh, was there no way out of this?

 

Once breakfast was over you tried to speak, but Renji was quicker, excusing himself and scurrying into the hallway.

 

You had to apologize, you had to set things right. Anything. Whatever you could.

 

“Excuse me, Captain Kuchiki,” You said, whipping your mouth with your cloth before rising and making your way to the door.

 

Once there, you saw the faintest shade of red disappear into another corridor. You remembered how that red had felt in between your fingers, and how you had loved the shade it provided as it fanned around the two of you like your own private curtain.

 

“Renji!” You shouted.

 

Renji stopped then, and you caught up to him, eyeing his back — he was so much bigger than you, and so _tall._ “Please, we need to discuss what happened.”

 

You heard Renji sigh before he turned to you.

 

“Listen,” he said. “I apologize for not showing more restraint.”

 

“It was me,” You said. “I came on to you and I put you in such a situation.”

 

“No, it was me.”

 

“It was me, Renji —”

 

“We gonna apologize all day?”

 

That forced a chuckle from you. “It definitely wouldn’t be wise.”

 

Renji smiled, and your heart betrayed you with a skipped beat. “Well, in any case, I forgive you.”

 

You placed a hand on his chest. “I forgive you, as well.”

 

And it was that — the touch. It sent a shock to your system, and to him, as well, if his widened eyes were any indication.

 

His hand came to grasp your own, still on his chest. Another thrum went through you at the feel of his fingertips. His grasp became firmer, his eyes on you, and you took a step forward.

 

And he took on forward.

 

Then you again …

 

And you couldn’t stop yourself, the warmth of his breath close and too irresistible for you to battle. You leaned into him, and his lips brushed against your own —

 

_Oh!_

 

You had to jump away just a tad from the shock that Renji’s lips brought, only to sink back into kiss. Renji’s tongue came to meet you again, having known yours already once, and you opened to him entirely.

 

_No, no, no, wrong, wrong, wrong …_

 

You felt yourself being forced, and your back met the wall. Renji’s hand came to the side of the wall, his arm snaked around you. Your hands were to his neck, pulling him closer. Oh, had it felt like this last night? So … _raw?_ Everything was sensitive to Renji’s touch. You could feel your nipples becoming erect underneath your robes as his chest came to brush against yours —

 

A door came open and the two of you broke apart immediately, almost risking injury as you came from Renji’s side to the hall, breath ragged.

 

The door had been from this hallway, you realized with a blush.

 

You looked back at Renji’s, who had beat you to it, having been looking at you already.

 

_Sigh._

 

What were the two of you going to do?


	2. What Are We In The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things thicken as Renji and Reader are left to their own devices when the power goes out.

Renji found himself chewing the inside of his cheek, submerged in his own thoughts. 

 

Of course. 

 

It was so typical of him. 

 

Once again, he was a dog, howling his desires to the moon. 

 

When would he learn his lesson? To do it was once would have been understandable, but to do it again _twice?_  


 

He was an even bigger idiot than he originally thought.

 

And this time … this time the feelings were reciprocated.

 

This time, the moon was calling back to him, nothing unrequited, yet the heavens and earth kept them apart, for all and forevermore. 

 

It was stuff worthy of poetry. There had been a time when Renji had laughed off the art form, but now … now he understood. In only a matter of days, his life had dissolved into a maudlin tale.

 

V

 

“You have done an excellent job with (L/N), Renji.”

 

Renji perked up beside his captain. He turned his head to Byakuya; compliments were so rare and were bound to get his attention, and this had come seemingly out of nowhere that it was difficult to believe that he wasn’t simply hallucinating.

 

“Th — Thank you, Captain,” Renji said quickly, hoping his pause had not made him seem rude or ungrateful. 

 

_ Oh, if only you knew . _

 

He had been avoiding you. He’d been doing a good job of it so far, but it wasn’t possible indefinitely; he was a part of your personal guard, and, sooner or later, he would have to come to your side. 

 

Like now. 

 

Although now, something else was occupying his thoughts as he looked down at you, arms crossed.

 

Maybe it was just him, but wasn’t a reunion between soon-to-be-wed lovers meant to be … happy? If so, you looked anything but. Not even, perhaps, relieved that you would at least be away from him where he could cause you no more trouble. 

 

"Don't worry, (Y/N)-sama," said the captain. "We have only hours to go now. We should arrive at sundown." 

 

Renji watched as you raised your head, forcing your lips into a polite curve. Some sort of cousin of a smile, and said, "Thank you, Captain. That is good news."

 

Renji didn’t want to be curious; he didn’t want to _care_ , but he did, as your expression quickly reverted back to its solemn state.

 

It was meant to be a simple meeting to report on progress, and how much time they had left before they were to land. Renji was happy of it; it would be nice to get back on real ground, and hopefully back to the fragments of his normal life. 

 

“I just need to collect a few things,” You said when everyone began to dispatch. “I do not mind who stays and goes. I would prefer it to be alone, if I were to be entirely honest.” You halted for a second. “I’m … sorry if that was unladylike of me.”

 

“What do you need?” Byakuya asked.

 

“My marital documents,” You said, and Renji caught the snag of your voice. 

 

Somehow those exact documents had gotten scattered across the table among other things. 

 

“It will be tedious collecting them all again, but it is work I can do alone,” You said. “I need not trouble anyone else.” 

 

“We would feel more comfortable if you had someone with you,” said Byakuya. 

 

In the typical way of his captain, Byakuya included everyone without truly asking. 

 

Renji felt a danger rising, and tried to shift himself out of Byakuya’s immediate sight, hoping that would also dismiss him from his immediate attention, as well. 

 

One of the other guards stood, one of the lesser of his squad. “I could assist, Captain Kuchiki. It would be no trouble!” 

 

Byakuya’s eyes — always seeming so displeased — glazed over the men before seeing Renji. “I suggest someone stronger.” 

 

… 

 

Oh no. 

 

“It’s just a quick paper search,” You tried to reason, and Renji understood your exasperation. “What’s the worse that could happen? One of the documents comes alive and gives me the paper cut of the century?”

 

“It would be for the best,” Byakuya said. “I have … an ill feeling.”

 

An ill feeling? Renji perked up. What was that supposed to mean? 

 

You furrowed your brows. “Very well. If you believe it to be that important.” 

 

“I do,” Byakuya said. “So it is decided; Renji will stay with you.”

 

… 

 

“Wh — What?” You said, eyes popping. 

 

“Cap — Captain, I really have to protest —” 

 

“Nonsense,” Byakuya said, beginning to walk away, which was a gesture for the others left to do so as well. “You are my lieutenant. If not you, then who?” 

 

_** Anyone ** but me! _

 

Renji’s heart hammered in his chest, resisting the urge to share a glance with you. What could he say? There came the slow realization that Byakuya’s comment earlier before the meeting had had some seeds of meaning now.

 

Byakuya and the other guards made their exit before Renji could make any arguments, leaving him with you. 

 

The absolute worse place he could be. 

 

V

 

A couple hours to sundown. A couple hours until you are home. 

 

A couple of hours until hell truly began.

 

You had had the crazy idea of hijacking the trip somehow, to make it go slower, to give yourself some time, but what of that? What would happen would happen. It was like delaying a wave, a wind, what would it give you? 

 

Some more time to dream. 

 

You had realized that it was nearly prophecy for you to become attracted to Renji; you had always had an affinity toward warriors. Strong bodies, but even stronger minds. Resilience and endurance, power and speed. 

 

And Renji had been the most gorgeous you had ever seen. 

 

You had not chosen your fiance and he had not chosen you, that was a fact that was becoming more and more obvious as you reflected on your early days with him, the distance between the two of you so vast you could swim in it. 

 

Had he even really kissed you? You didn’t … you didn’t think so. If so, it had been so stale and forgetful that it had had no impact. 

 

Renji’s kisses had impact. A lot of impact … 

 

Something in them had told you he was not accustomed to kissing at all, but he made up for them in passion. 

 

And now you were alone with him, thinking about his kisses and how unhappy you were to be going to your fiance. 

 

You tried to change your trail of thought, lowering your head to the desk, looking for the documents that held your name. Renji’s back was to you, arms still crossed against his chest. You ripped your gaze away from his scarlet hair, the memory of it between and around your fingers. 

 

So much miscellaneous junk. You came across one paper that read on the back  _ ‘Breakfast in an hour; have extra milk!’ _ and couldn’t contain a chuckle. 

 

“None of those could _possibly_ be funny,” Renji said, back still turned to you. 

 

“What? I — oh no, of course not … it’s what’s written on the back.” 

 

Renji turned so his hip was leaned against the end of the table. “Hm? Let me see.”

 

You handed it to him, and when he read it, he snorted. “The squad is full of dorks.”

 

“As you’ve told me,” You said, smiling.

 

Renji rolled his eyes, allowing a small smile to take over his lips. The air felt less heavy now; perhaps this would be okay. After all, pretending like neither of you existed made it worse than simple banter. 

 

“But still,” You continued, feeling a tad braver. “It must be nice to have comrades. So many of the friends I had in childhood are too far away for me to do anything with. Too busy, as well …”

 

“That’s too bad,” Renji said. “I can only imagine the conversations — how to walk with books on your head, how to prevent the end of the universe when you get a tear in your kimono —” 

 

“Are you mocking me, Abarai-san?” You said, smiling even wider. 

 

Renji shrugged. “A bit.” 

 

“You see,” You began, pointing a finger at him. “ _ That _ , is why I like you; I feel as though I can truly talk with you. But I promise we’re not all like that; my father wasn’t, and I’m not.”

 

Renji smirked. “Yeah, sure.” 

 

“I’m being serious!” 

 

Renji dared to gaze at you, his expression bordering on a smolder. “I’m just kidding, you know. I believe you. You are different.” 

 

You blinked, feeling a blush threatened to discolor your cheeks. You smile nonetheless, feeling victorious. “Thank you,” You said proudly. 

 

Renji made a sound that must have been akin to ‘thank you’ in his language. “Now, I wonder if —” 

 

But his pondering was devoured by your yelp — the ship had sudden jerked violently forward, taking you with it. You collapsed on the floor with a painful thud, feeling the impact against your hip. The lights blinked on and off, the ship groaning miserably as it remained tipped. 

 

“(Y/n)!” Renji called, and you heard his footsteps, then his hands fell on you, attempting to help you up to your feet. 

 

“I’m fine,” You said quickly, finding your footing. “I’m fi —” 

 

Another painful jerk, and you weren’t fine, tipping over again, Renji grabbed you — but his stance was lost as well, and the two of you went tumbling to the floor. 

 

The lights, and whatever strength they had left, didn’t survive the second jerk; they died away immediately, leaving the two of you in near-complete darkness. 

 

“Renji?” You said worriedly. “Renji?” 

 

“I’m all right,” you heard him groan, feeling the vibrations of it against your hands as they held to his chest. “I’m concerned about you.” 

 

“I’m fine — really, this time.” 

 

From what little light there was left, you could see that the door had slid closed. You could hear the muffled feet and demands being shouted from outside as workers hurried to remedy whatever had gone wrong.

 

Renji lifted you up again with ease, then left for the door, feeling his way around. You could hear him seconds later jiggling the door. 

 

“I can’t get it open!” he exclaimed. “It’s jammed. Dammit, dammit, dammit …” 

 

In your panic, you couldn’t help but notice his informality.  _ No one would dare cuss in front of me, _ You thought, with … pleasure. He hadn’t thought anything of it.

 

Then, you heard the strong sound of a sword being unsheathed. 

 

“Renji!” You said immediately. “Renji, no, please, let’s not cause any more mayhem!” 

 

“But —” 

 

“The door will be fixed, can’t you hear them outside? Just be patient. We’re both fine, that’s all that matters. Just be patient, Renji, no zanpakuto …”

 

A second or two of quiet, and then you heard Renji sheath his sword again. “All right, I guess we could wait.” 

 

You were fine waiting. 

 

And so, the two of you waited. 

 

V

 

It felt safe in the dark, Renji realized. He couldn’t see you, you couldn’t see him, close-far. The darkness was a safety net because, quiet honestly, he didn’t know how much longer he would have lasted. 

 

You were wonderful. It was the only adjective that did you any remote justice. 

 

Why did you have to be so wonderful? 

 

Why did all the women he ended up falling for have to be so wonderful? Why couldn’t he have _horrible_ tastes? Why were they always so beautiful, so honorable, so huggable? 

 

So _unreachable?_

 

It was class that had separated him and Rukia, and it was class yet again that kept him from you, along with you being betrothed. He was definitely cursed. Absolutely cursed. He’d always be some stray dog. Always, always **_always_ ** — 

 

“ _ Renji? _ ”

 

He heard you in the darkness, and it stole him away from his self-loathing. 

 

“Yes?” 

 

One second, two, three, four — 

 

“I don’t want to go home.” 

 

Renji closed his eyes, his sorrow for you quite genuine; you sounded lost, like a little girl, desperate and miserable. 

 

“I didn’t want to before,” You went on. “I was willing. But now … now knowing what could have been possible … it’s like pulling teeth, having to accept it now, knowing what I could have had. Had with  _ you _ , Renji.” 

 

Your words both soothed him and drowned him in more agony. He tightened his fist, ready to punch the wall from mere frustration. 

 

“My — my husband to be,” You continued, a shutter to your voice now. “He … he hates me. And it doesn’t seem to be from anything I’ve done to offend him, he … he seems … put off by my very presence. Or maybe he is like me and has already found another who has made him happy and has thus made him detached from me. Whatever the case …” 

 

And your words were eaten up by sobs. The room echoed with them. They pulled at Renji’s heartstrings, and, almost without any of his will, his legs moved, and he was finding you in the dark. 

 

You were stationed on the floor, knees tucked in, back against one of the legs of the desk, your hands covering your tear-wrecked face. Renji knelled beside you, and, slowly, enveloped you in his arms. You were such a tiny thing, and you didn’t object to him, instead, melting in his embrace, your tears began to wet the fabric of his uniform, but he didn’t have any mind to care. 

 

“I’m … so sorry,” he said, shuttering. 

 

“Don’t be,” You said in between sobs. “Don’t be, don’t be, don’t be … this was going to happen one day or another. With or without you.”

 

“Still, forgive me,” and he meant it. If he hadn’t been here … 

 

Renji was fine to sit there, holding you in the dark, something that he wasn’t sure he would be able to forgive himself for in the light of day. His arms completely enveloped you, and he hoped that … that he was making you feel safer, warmer, happier, somehow. 

 

“Renji …” came your voice after the sobs had subsided. “Renji …” 

 

He pulled away from you slightly, and he could only see an impression of you in the lack of light; you were gazing up at him, desperately, hungrily. The next words after his name filled the air, even if you could not say them. 

 

_ They were in the dark; no one would have to know … _

 

And as though entranced, Renji leaned forward, until his lips came over yours, and kissed you.

 

V  


This time, it was not like a tidal wave, impossible to be stopped. Renji’s lips fell over yours like a feather drop, sweet and soft and lingering. His arms still tightly around you, pulling you close, you wrapped you own around his neck, your hold on him rivaling his for intensity. 

 

Renji’s hands caressed your back while your own slid down his neck and explored his chest. Wonderful, wonderful chest. You had yet to find out what the tattoos painting it meant, or if they stood for anything at all — maybe he got them because he thought they were cool. Maybe he was born with them. Who knew? You didn’t, and you were fine with not knowing everything or anything at that moment. 

 

You felt the gingerly touch of Renji’s tongue at your bottom lip, and gladly spread your lips for him with a happy, content sigh. Your hands smoothed up to his neck, and felt the strands of his hair graze your wrist. His hair and its color —  _ red, red, so much red _ — was now your new favorite color.

 

With a sigh of his own, his pressure came on to you, tipping you down to the floor. You didn’t fight this, either. You had hoped to, perhaps, accept his weight and fall — and fall and fall and fall forever, off the edge of the universe where all would turn to ash and be swept away by wind. 

 

Fleeing. Meaningless. Nothingness. 

 

_Gods, yes._

 

Renji’s large hands snaked their way around your tiny frame, his weight resting on you, deepening the kiss in the process. Breaking away only for a soft, fragile, “(Y/n) …” before returning to your lips, the shock you felt from the sensation of even the slightest inch of skin found a way of igniting your skin. 

 

You could feel your heart in your throat, its beats quickening with every unsuspecting touch — a grazing of your lower thighs, the gentle tugging of your bra through your kimono, the swipe of tongue against your lower lip. 

 

But the worst came in the form of Renji, accidentally grinding against your lower half, his erection digging into your —

 

“ _Renji!_ ” You cried, fingernails digging into his arms. 

 

He grunted. “My apologies … I …” 

 

“No …” You began, landing a kiss on his cheek for extra assurance. “It’s wonderful, Renji. All of it. Keep going, please …”

 

You could almost see the relief and the excitement in Renji’s face in the pitch-blackness, and he dove into your neck, causing you to cry out again at the sudden feel. Renji’s hands grew more adventurous, mapping out your body, giving experimental squeezes to your breasts, smoothing the silk fabric of your kimono up your thighs, grasping as them, relishing in your flesh.

 

You sighed, the heat of the room suffocating you, but you made no effort to move, fearful that if you did, the moment would end. Was this how it was meant to feel? Every touch, every kiss, even at its harshest, was so tender, and inspired within you so much heat, that you couldn’t imagine life without it. How cold would it be, without this?

 

Without Renji Abarai?

 

V

 

He couldn’t stop. He knew it was _right_ to stop, he knew he _needed_ to stop, he knew it was _safe_ to stop. 

 

But he couldn’t. 

 

You were everywhere in his hands — your hair, your thighs, your waist (that he couldn’t help but grind into every moment or so), your face, your breasts. There was nothing of you he did not want to taste. He knew what he must of looked like — like a raved animal, like a street rat imbued with hormones — but at that moment he let his self-consciousness pertaining to his image fall away, at that moment didn’t care, couldn’t bring himself to care. 

 

Daring move — Renji reached forth and pulled your kimono apart, tugging both sides away from each, revealing parts of your chest. 

 

You gasped, arching into his hands. His fingers ran over your pert nubs and hitched his breath as your legs came around his midsection, grasping him, pressing him harder into your body. 

 

“ _(Y/n)_ …” Renji hissed. “If you do that …”

 

“You’ll what?” You said. He could hear the challenge in your voice, the egging. “You’ll,” You fastened your legs tighter around Renji’s larger frame, “what?” 

 

Renji shut his eyes, burying his face in the crest of your shoulder. Honestly, he didn’t know what he would do; he knew not what was capable of here, between you. He had never done … that. He was so, embarrassingly virginal in all manners such as these.

 

Granted, he never thought anyone would want to … with him. But …

 

“I will guide you, Renji,” You said against his ear, and he perked up. “Don’t worry. I know what we need to do.” 

 

Renji was hot from the blush and proximity to your heated flesh. 

 

Your hands came to hold his sides, smoothing him through his uniform. Renji swallowed — oh,  _ gods _ — as they edged to his sash, relishing in the feel of his muscles along the way. 

 

“(Y/n) …  _ (Y/n) _ …” 

 

In seconds the sash was gone, opening him further to your curious touch. You spread parts of his folds, reaching down to kiss the newly exposed skin. Renji shivered above you, the soft, warm impact of your lips against his abs, your nails skimming gently against his waist. _Oh …_ —

 

Then a jerk, and Renji lost his place and fell into your shoulder. You gave a small squeal of surprise as the lights flickered — on, off, on, off — until they came alive fully, the room thrumming with the sounds of the operating systems being resurrected. 

 

Renji’s eyes were wide as he pulled away from you, the lights now now exposing the moment for what it was; your kimono was almost fully open, revealing your chest. Your hair was swimming around you face. 

 

He detached himself from you, hurrying to retie himself. Coming to your senses as well, you began to do the same. 

 

“We have to — have — before they come and see —” 

 

There was the sudden rushing of feet, and then — 

 

“Princess (L/N)? Are you all right? Are you injured? Answer, please!” 

 

Panicked and frazzled could be said for those outside the door and yourself as you rose to your feet awkwardly, nearly falling over again. “Yes! Yes, I’m fine! Just give me a — 

 

But there was no time for that; a sword pierced the metal beside the door, slicing horizontally, tearing away. 

 

You tried to stable yourself, your chest still slightly uncovered, but your heel curled, and this time you went down before Renji could get to you, thumping to the floor. 

 

The door screeched, falling, then clumped to the ground, revealing the guards of the ship and Captain Kuchiki —

 

“Princess (L/N), we’re —” 

 

But the sentence died at the sight that lay before them. 

 

You, princess, on the floor, your kimono ruffled and half discarded. Renji, chest exposed and hovering above your fragile-looking form.

 

Renji went white, understanding exactly what they must have. 

 

No. No, _no,_ **_ no, no _ ** —

 

V

 

“Lieutenant Abarai,” said Captain Kuchiki, silently, as though he were talking down prey. “You will step away from the princess.” 

 

“Ca — captain, please! I can explain, I —”

 

“Now, Renji!”

 

“Wait!” You said, and it was the loudest Renji had ever heard you speak. You rose to your feet, this time thoroughly, as to not look any more of the victim than you could have. “Captain Kuchiki, you must listen.”

 

And before anyone could speak anything else, you bowed. 

 

“Before you assume anything else,” You said. “I need, first, to apologize for attacking Abarai-san.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, sorry, sorry this took me forever! I mean it, I'm sorry!
> 
> So many fics ... so little ideas ... meh ...
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! Oh, poor unfortunate souls ..


	3. What The Lonely Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens as there are only hours left until reader is brought home and hurried off to marry a man who doesn't love her, versus a man who very much does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! Attacks of the lazy and the how-the-fuck-do-I-end-this?
> 
> Which, don't panic, this isn't the end! One more chapter to go!

You remember, when you were very young, your mother doing the exact same thing.

 

Bowing, just like were you doing, and apologizing to a servant. It had silenced everyone, and your mouth had fallen open in absolute surprise as she did so, and the servant babbled on about how it was “Fine, m’lady, just fine,” and tried to carry on with the knowledge that a noblewoman had done such a thing.

 

You were no noblewoman — no, you were more than that. And Renji Abarai was **_no_ ** servant — much, much, _much_ more than that — but the feeling of deja vu was strong with you as you carried on what appeared to be a matriarchal tradition.

 

“You see,” You continued timidly, still in a bow, “when the lights went out, I got so scared — delusional, really, and I … I hurt Abarai-san. My actions were very silly, please do not use them against him.”

 

“Very well,” said Byakuya, whose gaze traveled to Renji. “I will have Renji leave the room for now, however. But no punishment will be given to him.”

 

“Oh, thank you so much, Kuchiki-san,” You said as Renji ushered himself out as naturally as he could manage. Your eyes followed him as he jumped over the rummaged door and was gone.

 

You wished you could follow.

 

***

 

Renji’s shock mingled with something softer, something warmer, and as he found his way to his quarters, he found himself wishing for nothing else but to kiss you in public, right there. You were so …

 

And then he remembered how improper those thoughts were — how everything about this mission had become so improper and impossible and frustrating — and he mentally kicked himself for thinking such things.

 

He slid his door shut and fell against it. He didn’t … know how much longer he could handle this. He was bathed in hot, dying sunlight and he opened his eyes to see that the sky was enveloped in a sweet, dramatic sunset. His mind was taken to the first time, on the railing, where he had kissed you, and had asked about his tattoos, and he had fallen against you and heard you moan, probably the only person in the world who had heard you do it, and —

 

Renji slammed his fist against the wall, tears stinging his eyes. _Stop. Gods, why can’t it stop. Why can’t_ I _stop?_

 

He slummed against the floor, and remained like that for some time, hoping that his spirit form would … would break apart somehow, and he’d be free. Eh stayed like that until the stars revealed themselves, and he rose his head to look at them, to glare.

 

Why? Why did they keep the light of life all to themselves? And when they didn’t, they’d bend their ways, bend them for anyone. Anyone but him. Ichigo wouldn’t have gotten himself into such a foolish situation — and if he had, he would have been given a miracle. Where was his? Where were his? The many times he had asked for one, had begged and prayed for one.

 

Renji had no incentive to believe in such things — and yet he did anyway. He caught himself believing in gods and watchful stars and sorrowful suns. If he’d stop, he figured, he’d probably find peace in knowing the indifference of the world, would accept it. Nothing ever shone for them, why did he keep hoping something would?

 

There was an ache in his chest that remained there for the night, and he fell asleep with it, the night lasting much longer than it should have.

 

***

 

If Renji found sleep, You didn’t.

 

You remained awake. Awake and afraid as other things came to your consciousness.

 

The throne.

 

Your father had never been happy with his place on the throne, not since the death of your mother, not since she had gone away from him and the promise of them ruling together had been killed with sickness.

 

You found yourself writing, scribbling in a journal like a school girl trying to make sense of the world. Renji’s name was in the margins, always at and in the margins as you went on with your business.

 

You were to relieve him of his duties, you were to set him free, and that part hadn’t bothered you — it was the betrothal part of the deal that had soured it.

 

Ugh, you had no escape. You wanted to go to Renji, but, of course, what good was that? To bother him and worsen the situation more than it already? Each and every time the two of you were left with each other, it ended in kisses and loosened clothes and … and hands going against muscles and sweet hums against your ear.

 

You shook these thoughts away, but they were never gone. Not truly.

 

A knock at your door, and you felt such relief at having something else to pay mind to. “Come in,” You said, putting away your notebook.

 

It was a servant. “I’ve come to give you tea, miss.”

 

The female servant was soft-spoken and kind, placing your tray on your bed for you.

 

“Thank you,” You said, looking at her.

 

She smiled back, and prepared to leave.

 

“Wait,” You said without thinking.

 

She turned, looking inquisitive. “Miss?”

 

“Would you … could I tell you something?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

Wait, what were you doing? What were you doing? What if she told? What if she …

 

“I see you’re distressed, Miss,” said the servant. “And excuse me for interrupting your thoughts, but if there is something on your mind, I am bound to confidentiality. I could receive great punishments for disclosing anything you’ve told me. Anything at all.”

 

You blinked, feeling … hungry, in a way you couldn’t understand.

 

“Oh,” the servant said, frowning. “I’ve made myself look so suspicious now. Allow me to go and stop assuming I can read royalty mind —”

 

“Wait,” You said softly, reaching out for her. “Don’t go.”

 

Silence.

 

“I …” You began — how desperate were you, really? “I do have something I think I should get off my chest …”

 

***

 

Captain Byakuya Kuchiki didn’t often get himself involved in the business of his underlings; it was rude, it was improper and far too personal for his liking.

 

And yet … his lieutenant had been acting so strange lately. Very strange. And despite Princess (Y/n)’s insistence tonight, he still wondered.

 

Byakuya debated among himself for a couple of moments more, before he decided to pay Renji a visit, just a quick one, just to see what was on his mind.

 

Did he know something Byakuya didn’t?

 

***

 

Late. Early morning, perhaps, a bang on Renji’s door roused him immediately, his body instinctively moving into a fighting position before he realized someone was at his door.

 

Another frantic series of knocks, and Renji said, “All right, all right, cool it, will ya? I’m coming.”

 

He opened his door, hand scratching his head, and saw Junko.

 

Junko. Servant girl. He knew her. He’d been on missions with her working shift before.

 

He blinked the sleep from his eyes. “Junko? Yeah … what do you need?”

 

Junko ushered herself in without being asked — “Hey, hey, what are you —” — before saying, “What I need is to know why you’re having an affair with the princess!”

 

This robbed Renji of all his exhaustion, immediately becoming alert. “What? Wha — How — What — I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

 

“Oh, hold it _right there,_ mister, the princess told me _herself_ ,” said Junko, accusatory finger and all. “So, please, spare me and tell me _exactly_ what is going on!”

 

Renji closed the door immediately and glared at her. “Affair is too strong a word.”

 

“Aha! So it is true!”

 

“I thought you heard it from her!”

 

“Well, she could have had a very vivid dream! Now I know for absolute sure!”

 

“You know, having dreams about me would also be pretty suspicious —”

 

“Renji!” Junko’s voice, usually so soft and cordial, could cut through glass as it did his sentence, “what the hell is going on?”

 

“Will you quiet down?” Renji hissed. “Look, I have it under control —”

 

“Being cornered with the princess three times in the last two days and also having sex with her once is not what I’d describe as ‘under control’!” Junko interrupted again. “Renji! Stop this nonsense! You could get everyone into trouble. We have no idea how stable her father is, for all we know he could sentence us all to death if he thinks someone has been molesting his daughter on-board —!”

“I’m —” Renji hissed dangerously, cornering Junko and making her stumble a little, “ ** _not_** a rapist, I would **_never_ ** — Don’t even throw that around, you got that? I haven’t planned any of this …”

 

Renji’s voice depleted into something sorrowful, and Junko’s face relaxed accordingly. “Please, Junko … I … I didn’t mean for … I … couldn’t stop. She’s …”

 

“It’s all right, Renji, come … come to bed.”

 

And she ushered Renji to bed, where he sat, head in his hands. She smoothed his back with her hand, shushing him softly.

 

“I’m desperate for her, Junko,” Renji said. “And when I’m not desperate for … I’m miserable. I know how wrong my actions are, but I can’t contain myself when she touches me …”

 

“I believe she feels the same,” Junko said. “She’s told me so.”

 

Renji rose his head. “Is that so? Well … misery loves company.”

 

“Indeed,” said Junko. “Renji, there is no other way. I … Sometimes, love and desperation and struggle are nothing in the face of honor and society. Does anyone know that more than you?”

 

The comment solidified him. “No. No one.”

 

“You know you must say goodbye to her, you know you must make up for what you’ve done —”

 

“For what who’s done?”

 

This was not Junko. Or Renji. They both raised immediately as the door opened, and revealed Byakuya, looking stern.

 

“I see …” he said. “Could I, perhaps, be let in on the secret?”

 

***

 

Somehow, you had managed to find some sleep, but you kept waking in between minutes; something was indeed cathartic about your confession to Junko, but it was just as nerve-wracking. You were working on nothing but faith and blind trust that she wouldn’t tell, that she wouldn’t seek a promotion through her learnings.

 

With one eye open, you lied against your pillow, waiting for the worst, waiting for morning.

 

Another knock, and your heart descended into a frenzy. This was it, this was everything — You rose, wanting it to be over with as quickly as possible.

 

You went to the door, turned the knob, pulled it open and …

 

… and saw Renji, his eyes meeting yours the moment the door came open, as though he had known just where you would be standing, just where your eyes would be so he could gaze into them.

 

And perhaps he had.

 

***

 

“I cannot believe this,” said Byakuya.

 

Renji had remained in his knelt position, eyes closed, waiting for punishment. For termination.

 

“Renji … please rise.”

 

Every bone he possessed screamed for him not to, but he did as he was commanded. Renji met Byakuya in a gaze, “Yes, sir?” he asked.

 

“I … I will not go over the severity of your crimes … I’m sure you already have, many times,” Byakuya had started, in what was to be the beginning of a sort of speech. “And I am sure you know what the punishment for you would be.”

 

“Yes, si — Wait a moment,” Renji blinked. “Would be, sir?”

 

“Yes, Renji,” Byakuya said. “Would be. In a case like this, I would be authorized to terminate you from my division, and have you return your zanpakuto. You realize that?’

 

“Yes, I do, sir.”

 

“And I would …” Byakuya went on. “However, I feel as though I would be acting as a hypocrite, and it would be against my code and my honor to do so. I have … acted against my own honor before, and the honor placed on me by others. I know what it is like to … think of love first, Renji.”

 

“Sir …” Renji trailed. He knew not what to say — was this truly happening? Was he … being let off the hook? No. That wasn’t his captain. He wouldn’t want to be a lieutenant to a man who would let him off without retribution.

 

“Make no mistake —” Ah, there was the man Renji knew, “— understand that there **_will_ ** be severe punishments for the breach of my trust and for this affair, Renji.”

 

Renji stiffened. “I understand, sir.”

 

“And the aforementioned affair ends now, am I also understood as far as that?”

 

“Of course, sir.”

 

“You will tell Princess (L/n) that it ends tonight.”

 

“Yes, sir. Right away.”

 

And as Byakuya stepped away to let Renji do just that, Renji wished he had had Junko (who had been ushered out of the room immediately), wished he had had someone to help him make the right choices.

 

Because he was going to be alone with you, for what looked like the final time.

 

***

 

“Ah,” You said once Renji concluded his tale. “I see.”

 

Renji was silent for a long time, watching you from your place on your bed. He was by the wall, and looked intent on staying there, determined that whatever gravity forced the two of you together would fail this time. “I’m glad you do,” he said, slightly hollow.

 

“Byakuya is a good man,” You said. _Too good,_ you thought. _Far too good._

 

“That, he is,” Renji said quietly, before lowering his gaze, “and I am not.”

 

“I never would have fallen for you if I thought you did things like this all the time, Renji,” You assured him, and you were about to rise, that unspoken gravity pulling you to him, but you kept to your place. “You are a good man.”

 

He looked to you, an empty, sarcastic twist you his lips. “Am I? Does a good man love another man’s betrothed? Kiss another man’s wife?”

 

“It is arranged, Renji,” You said. “You know it is. This happened because there is no love for us anywhere but with each other. None like _this,_ ” You pressed a hand to your chest. “If there was, we wouldn’t have wanted each other. We’ve done what the lonely do.”

 

“And now?” Renji said, placing a hand against the wall.

 

“And now it is over,” You said. “I will receive retribution, surely, and you will receive yours, and there will be some sort of reprieve for us both.”

 

Renji laughed then. A cold, sardonic laugh. “Do you really believe that? I want to be held accountable, (Y/n), just as you … and yet I feel that, even once it happens, there will be no real relief. I still won’t …”

 

_I still won’t have you._

 

The words hung in the air, suffocating you both. No, you wouldn’t hare Renji, and he wouldn’t have you. Not in this world — in no kind of world. And yet you still felt guilty; guilty that you had done this to Renji, guilty that you didn’t feel quite guilty for him, for … for loving him, just for acting dishonorably. You sighed, placed your head in your hands.

 

“I want to comfort you,” Renji whispered. “But I can’t. You know that, right? I can’t.”

 

“I do,” You said, your eyes stinging with the premonition of tears. “I know.”

 

You heard him take a step away, then another. A jingle of the doorknob. “Goodbye, Princess (L/n).”

 

All the words you truly wanted to say evaporated in your throat, leaving only the cheap kind. “Goodbye, Abarai-san.”

 

The door closed, and it did not open again. Not even in your dreams, where anything was possible, did it open again.

 

***

 

The ship landed, morning at long last. Renji watched from afar as a sea of guards surrounded your elegant form; you were in a brand new evening dress, the ghostly hem tickling the bridge as you came to land.

 

The wind brushed against him in his crouched position. He watched you, he watched until he couldn’t anymore, until you looked back for him and he was forced to turn away, until the image of you was simply too fuzzed, until you entered into your carriage and was taken to your palace, wherever it was.

 

Renji was reminded of a song, as it faded to nothingness on a beautiful repetition. The same, soothing words growing quieter until he was alone with his thoughts. And he didn’t want to be alone, he really, truly didn’t.

 

But — and he had learned this, not now, but long ago — the universe didn’t care about what Renji Abarai wanted, and that wouldn’t change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it’s kind of beautiful that Renji would want to be punished; Renji’s a good, law-abiding person, too. Not as much as Byakuya (because good god) but good, and he wants other people to be good, as well.
> 
> And, okay, now that I think on it, Byakuya might have decided to terminate Renji because he feels it would be hypocrticial not to, but let’s just say, for story sake, that it’s the opposite and he would feel sleazy punishing someone for something he would do.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!

**Author's Note:**

> Had to make something for Renji, just had to. I have no idea where this will lead to except for the blatantly obvious! Stay tuned!


End file.
